Sunday, April 1, 2007

From Lost to Lunatic

Speaking of stupid pet tricks (see previous post)...ever see a screaming, hysterical parent who has just found their lost child? The parent yells things like, "Don't you ever do that again", "Why can't you remember to stay near me?"!

While other parents look on in horror thinking to themselves, "What a shameful sight. I would NEVER do that!", we all know this scenario is all too common. Its the release of our anxiety from losing the child. Women and men do this and often they do it knowing it was probably their own fault for losing the child in the first place. Maybe a little displacement of guilt - ironic as they stand there being judged by their screaming which only let's their otherwise unsuspicious surrounding audience know that they had lost their child.

So while we stand and scorn, not only is the screaming parent making a fool of his/herself, but the poor child is being humiliated in public. As if this might not in itself cause major psychological trauma, the next time that child is accidentally lost (yes, most kids get lost more than once), the child will probably consider the consequences of being found - that is, being publicly humiliated again. Isn't it better to stay lost than to be found and have mom or dad scream at you again? I'd choose to stay lost.

Next time if this happens to you and you are about to unleash a whirlwind of verbal relief on your child, try to hold back. Remember screaming and displacing blame and anxiety isn't the answer - in fact, it could be the cause of a further negative consequence.

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